God Orders My Steps!

This one is from the heart. Straight from me to you.


As you may remember,
I will be completing my two year commitment at Teen Mania's Center for Creative Media as of August. For quite some time I have been praying as to where God wants me to go and how he wants me to apply ALL that I have learned and grown in while here.


I hadn't told you my plans yet, because I wanted to be SURE that it was from God.
Many "Christians" tell me, "It's lazy and foolish to wait on God. Just start and he will bless whatever it is I choose..." But, my RUTHLESS, ABSOLUTE dependence and trust in who I know him to be, begs to differ. I KNOW that if he cares so much to know how many hairs are on my head, that he CARES where and what I will be doing in HIS STORY. (History)


God has shown me SOO FAR down the road of His plan for me, However! I’m sure in order to keep my ambitious and headstrong self, dependent on Him; He has not shown me HOW this is going to happen! (Hurray for INTERDEPENDENCE!)



I KNOW the lord has put specific messages on my heart regarding this John the Baptist generation meant to prepare the way for his return, and a good washing needed for a pure and spotless bride who is DRESSED and ready with their lamps full; To mobilize an army of young people relentlessly passionate for showing His love to the hurting, dirty, broken, searching youth. I KNOW he wants me to bring these messages in a way that is understandable for young people through NEW MEDIA, music, film, television and internet,,, And the Lord has vigorously trained me professionally and connected me with people who have the same vision.


After months of pictures, passion and peace regarding what I thought would be the next step; To become one of the few ( 10 out of 200 preselected interns by Teen Mania Leadership) to go down an intense youth ministry training coarse where you learn to DISCIPLE young people by actually being discipled myself by the Nations most effective youth ministers THEMSELVES. On this track I'll receive specific training on effectively speaking to masses as well as discipling a community youth group myself under Ron Luce's leadership. I will become certified by the American Christian Counsel on dealing with youth issues such as cutting, abuse, drugs etc. Also, learning to execute THE PLAN that has already begun to turn communities back to the church of the book ACTS.


So, I confidently forged down their week long, boot camp like interview; and to be honest, , , my biggest fear was; Getting chosen, but it NOT BEING WHAT HE WANTED! I was afraid that even my desire to serve him down this path was of my own accord and I was soo afraid that I was the one making the decisions on my life. (BIG NO NO! Doubting God’s sovereignty!)



So I prayed that he would open and close the doors he wanted; And He made me promise that I wouldn’t fight it, or try to defend myself.

The month while I awaited their decision; He surfaced, and violently pruned the performance mentality I realized I was slave to. I needed to TRUST HIM, and desire ONLY to BE WITH Him, not just to serve him. He clearly told me that HE wanted to be the one to raise me up and put me in the circumstances HE wanted me in, so that HE would get all the glory_ NOTHING of my own effort.

Well LO and BEHOLD!!!
I was outright REJECTED. LOL! Not even close to being accepted. Didn’t even make the FIRST CUT!!!!

So I took it like a bullet, confused as to why I would have such clear vision about it,,, yada yada,, and after a week of broken and desperate face time, I came to a peace that was bright as the noon day sun. I was even about to email you to ask if you knew of any music video production professionals in NY.

I was on campus for fund raising while the rest of CCM was in LA; When suddenly!, SURE AND FAITHFUL, LORD GOD ALMIGHTY, sent me a personal email through THE ACTUAL DIRECTOR of the Honor Academy himself, Mr David Hasz.

Let me summarize this meeting for you.

He sat me down, (I can’t tell you the stampede of butterfly’s that were tornadoing through my stomach,,,) He proceeded to ask me questions about my vision in detail and what God was teaching me and why I didn’t fight etc etc. He proceeded in his statesmen like aura to tell me a story of how God put on his heart years ago to become a Resident Director at Oral Roberts University and how if it weren’t for that, he would never be where he is today. He actually got rejected, didn’t even make the 1st cut and by some divine circumstances became the head Resident Director. He then authoritatively told me that the same situation had happened to me. That leadership had made a mistake and God clearly showed that "this" is what I am supposed to do. He went on to state that it would take a few days for him to over-ride any decisions that were made, but I could take this as the the director of the Honor Academy's OFFICIAL acceptance onto the Youth Ministers Track.


Did you catch that? A DIRECT acceptance from GOD through the Director of the Honor Academy HIMSELF onto this select track of training.

I was FLOORED! Just ABSOLUTLY, speechlessly FLOORED.

(How did this happen? I didn’t do anything! I never made an appeal, NOTHING)


He continued,

“Oh and Selah, (that’s the name I’m known as here) I want you to know; This is NOTHING YOU DID.

I don’t EVER have these meetings, I just don’t do it. Someone who never goes to bat for anyone and didn’t know why they were going to bat for you, went to bat for you, and I STILL dismissed the prospect of it entirely until ,,,, Well, let me just say, The favor and grace of God is upon you and He is most certainly directing your path. You can know this is clearly God opening the door because this just doesn’t happen.”

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the LORD my God and his sovereignty in my life. Let him receive ALL the GLORY!! AMEN!